Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
