I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
