I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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