Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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