I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
