I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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