Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
