when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
