Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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