she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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