mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
