so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
