and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
