Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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