you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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