I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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