this beer tastes like vomit already
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's rum buckets o'clock
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
