I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
