Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
