we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
