Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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