Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I need moral support for this bender
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
