One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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