Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
