I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
