i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
