No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
