My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize