Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
