I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
