From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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