i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
