yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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