He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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