Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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