I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
