she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
