***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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