i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
