Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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