Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
