I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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