last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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