Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
