do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
