No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
