that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My bed smells like the plague
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