My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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