Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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