even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
