i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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