oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
