Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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