Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
