so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
