The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
