I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
