I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
