C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
