wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
