How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
