Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
