Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
