It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
