Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
don't judge my taste in strippers
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
