New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
