He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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