Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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