I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
