If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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