people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
