I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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