i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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