How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
