drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
