He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
