pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
