Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
