My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize