He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
