dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
love makes seman taste better
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
