I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
