i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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