so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
