it was like eating out sand paper
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
