He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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