We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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