just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
