the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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