why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
