Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
