went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
