ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
