there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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