My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
