She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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