so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
