People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
