I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
