The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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