He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
