You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My bed smells like the plague
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize