i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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