sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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