i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
