Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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