If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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